How Beautiful
by Riquashea
Summary: On the journey to Erebor, Bilbo finds a clarity within himself that he never thought he had. Finally when he proves his loyalty to Thorin by revealing a traitor in their midst, the King shows Bilbo a beauty that the hobbit never thought possible.


There was something dark within him, there always had been. Ever since the Fell Winter the wall of light and goodness and innocence within his mind had fallen. Leaving dark and poisonous things to fester and rot.

When the dwarves came it was like a new, fresh wind of that light came back to Bilbo's mind, healing him as it travelled through his body. But the more they doubted him and the more they refused to acknowledge him, the worse that rotting inside his mind became.

Leaving Rivendell and traveling in the rain with the thunder and the giants showed Bilbo how small he really was. However, it was when he was told by Thorin that he had no place amongst them, ' _and never will',_ his mind supplied, it was that moment when most of the small goodness inside his mind shattered, leaving only a trail of bloody shards reflecting the darkness and rot that had festered to such a degree he could no longer stand it.

However, as Bilbo tried to leave, the floor fell out beneath them and trapped the company with the wretched goblins. The others were captured but he was free, and as he tried to sneak out one of the goblins stopped him. In the ensuing struggle they both tumbled down into the darkness where, somehow, he felt at home. Bilbo awoke to a creature dragging the goblin off, a small object dropping to the ground during the fight, as soon as they were gone Bilbo stood to try to find his way out. He glanced down and the glinting of gold caught his eye, a small golden ring lay forgotten on the ground. The darkness and rot inside his head told him he may as well take a keepsake from this journey, there was no use returning to The Shire empty handed.

Except when Bilbo put it on, something strange happened. The lines around the world became blurry and in the back of his head, a whispering took over. Even when he took the ring off, the whispering continued, adding to the dark. Bilbo soon made his way out of the cave, a new hobbit that wasn't there before. As he caught up to the company and heard Thorin talking about his supposed departure, Bilbo could stand silent no more and stepped out into the open. He didn't know why he said the things he said, the thing about home was certainly true, but then the Orcs and Wargs descended upon them in a frenzied haze. The only thing Bilbo really remembered was the whispering and thinking ' _no one can kill Thorin except for me'_. So Bilbo saved the king, and when the hobbit was about to die, the eagles came.

The journey from the Carrock was mostly a blur to Bilbo but deep in the dungeons the whispering suggested he offer himself to the king. He supposed since Thorin had been secluded for so long, and his face was nothing to scoff at, why not? To Bilbo's surprise the king agreed, after the deed was done and they lay in the darkened prison, Thorin started muttering promises about consort, and the dwarves' One. Bilbo didn't really listen but his king didn't become aggravated or raise a fuss, so he probably didn't act any differently. It was only when Bilbo came face to snout with Smaug that his mind finally started to clear. Smaug attacked and despite the company's best efforts he escaped and destroyed Laketown before he was shot down by Bard. Soon enough Bilbo found the Arkenstone that Thorin searched for and the whispering in his mind grew duller and duller with each step the hobbit took on his way to his king. Balin tried to stop Bilbo, saying something about dragon sickness but Bilbo pushed him aside muttering, ' _Thorin will like it if I give him this.'_ When he stood in front of his king the whispering stopped, finally after years of the infection consuming Bilbo, nothing of his original soul was left. Only a great darkness that now matched The King Under The Mountain's madness, perfectly.

When Bilbo presented the Arkenstone to Thorin, his mind was clear of that disgusting purity and light that once plagued his soul. Turnig it cloudy, rendering him unable to think. No more. Now Bilbo's mind was clear in the dark and when Thorin took it reverently from his hands Bilbo said "When I found it Balin tried to convince me to keep it from you, he is a traitor." As he watched his king's face twist in rage and betrayal he thought,

 _"How beautiful."_


End file.
